A Sense of Thanks.

the opportunities that have been given to me..

mum&dad: they save me in my darkest times.

my freedom; to sing, to dance, to paint.

Michelle: our relationship makes me feel ad for everyone else... because they don't have what we have, they don't have a true best friend.

RED VINES & ICE CREAM.

this blog: i'll be better i promise...

Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday. I thank God that he loves me so much; and has blessed me with an amazing life... that i often take for granted.

Love Today. Love Tomorrow. Everything will be okay.

beautiful.

Barista-customer conversations are never really anything to be remembered. It's usually conversations about the weather or recent local sport scandals [new basketball coach eh?]. Needless to say, I've never had significant encounters with customers as a barista that were worth blogging about... until today.

Gosh. Today if ANY day would have been an easy one to make weather-related-small-talk. On this day we had rain, storm, sun, and hail. Within 4 hours. Welcome to Oregon i guess. So I had a conversation starter ready for the next person to walk in the door.

It was an older couple [late 40's maybe?], they were both wearing sunglasses and the woman was wearing a wicker backpack like the ones they sell at the saturday market. so e.u.g.

This was how the convo went down:

Kaitlin: "So did you guys get a chance to be outside today? IT's been pretty crazy huh?"

[medium-length [yet still awkward] pause]

Man: What do you wanna be when you grow up? What are your goals?

[surprised pause]

Kaitlin: Oh, umm... well my major is education, because I hope to be a primary teacher, and i'm minoring in spanish because I hope to support native spanish speaking students in the U.S., and maybe go overseas and teach abroad... i don't really have a plan yet i guess. I just know i wanna teach kids.

Man: Hmm... well what do you believe in?

Kaitlin: Uh....... love i guess. I believe in loving and compassion and having belief in people. I believe in salvation and forgiveness. I believe in potential, for everyone and everything.

Man: What's your hardest inner obstacle you have to face in your life?

Kaitlin: Ummm.. [this one took more thought] i guess it would be judgement. i don't think i'd call myself a judgmental person, but i would definitely say i falter and i wish i wouldn't. So.. ya.

Man: So you believe in potential for everyone, but your biggest inner battle is judgement?

Alright... so at this point i think crap, this guys good. I was pretty proud of my response though.

Kaitlin: Well, ya i guess that's the whole point in believing in something isn't it? Something that you strive to achieve every single day... I mean I could say I believe in potential and equality, but if I don't strive to be better at it every single day, would that really be me practicing my faith? [i paused for a second, to rewind in my head and actually see if that made any sense at all]

then i continued...

"I'm not naive in saying that i am what i believe. I think this is

unrealistic, and not really a way to live. I want to believe in a

bigger part of myself. I want to believe in people that might never exist.

That way, i never stop growing. I never stop searching.

I never stop believing."

Man: "You are a beautiful person, Kaitlin."

HOLY CRAP! In no more than 2 minutes, a stranger helped me realize more about myself than anyone I know. I want this for myself. Not just today. But tomorrow, and the next day, and forever.

Let's all try this.

Let's shoot for the moon.

natural beauty.

"Natural beauty is really happiness
with who you are. If you like who
you are on the inside, that'll
come through on the outside."

-J. Simpson

Roadtrip

Took an "awesome" RT with the sister and mama this saturday...

We were on the hunt for a prom dress for my lil sis' senior prom. Being the wannabe fashionista/shopoholic that I am... I was extremely eager for the trip and couldn't wait to get my hands on some Jessica Mcclintock and Nicole Miller which I have missed since my high-school-dance days.

So, we get into portland our first stop is Nordstrom [of course]. And to our surprise... there was absolutely NOTHING there... After visiting about 10 other sudo-expensive clothing stores... we found the perfect little prom dress... for $15... in a second hand store...

One person's tossable treasures, could be another persons beauty personified.

Find the beauty in recycled things.

Things that have been borrowed and ruined and stained and tainted...

you might see a second layer of perfection, saved just for you :]

"Does anybody want know why we're alive?"

As i'm sippin my triple NF soy latte and workin through a 4th grade math problem that has already taken me 20 minutes, Paul Wright, "You're Beautiful" came up on my shuffle...

If you need inspiration to do something... or just a little life 'pick-me-up', listen to this song... and even pull up the lyrics so you can read them as you're aural senses are tingled...

Ok here, I did the second step for you:

the world is watching us from a distance

wanting more from their own existence

tell me how do we make a difference

for eternity does anybody want to know why we're alive

oh oh oh oh
what's the purpose of this life?
oh oh oh oh

before i die and i leave the world behind
i want to know why i'm alive

you're created for the creator to live inside
there's a hole in your soul and i know that you try
to fill it with every little thing but the very one who can heal it
and bring hope to a world that wants to know why they're alive

spirit cry for this generation (generation)
we're chasing the wind trying to embrace it
open our eyes to all the lies that we try to justify when deep down inside
all we want to find is someone that loves us all of the time and it's you

yea it's you oh oh
only you
yes it's you oh oh oh
you're beautiful came down from heaven just to save my save my soul
beautiful oh oh oh oh oh
you're so beautiful
the people of this world are praising you and they are
beautiful oh oh oh oh
you're so beautiful came down from heaven just save my save my soul
beautiful oh oh oh oh oh
now i'm beautiful

"Cancer Sucks. Life is Good. Choose Joy."

... a quote from an Aaron Jamison, who was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer in 2008.

I came across this article when i was eating breakfast this morning at the kitchen table... usually i read InStyle... but it was MIA this morning.

The cover picture to the article was a man holding an urn, and on the urn there was a sign that read "advertisement spot for sale". Jamison has decided to sell advertising space on a pair of funeral urns, one of which will go to his wife when he dies, and one to his parents. So far, he has sold two ads — one to Terese’s Place restaurant in Springfield, and one to Cry Baby Ink tattoo parlor in the Valley River Mall. {yes, the world has apparently come down to this}

Despite the awful events destined to Jamison in his near future, he still holds an "off-beat humor" regard to his illness. He even used it as a topic for one of his comedy shows!

He chooses JOY over being depressed over his illness... over the fact he's dying... wow.

{i found this picture a few months ago. this embodies joy to me}

Imagine how our world would be different if everyone had this mind set?

all my bad moods and bad days would cease to exist, because i would be focussing on the fact that

I AM ALIVE!

Instead i choose to focus on the stress of school or the fight I had with a friend or how much happier I'd be if i had more money, blah blah blah complaint complaint complaint...

I am SO lucky. WE are so lucky. Ya maybe you have some pretty bad things in their lives, maybe you can't even think of anything that you feel lucky for. My response to you would be this: stop reminding yourself that you have cancer, remind yourself that you are alive now and you have today. Make it your best day so far.

If someone who really does have cancer can do it... us strong and healthy should be able to too.

*sigh*, thanks Aaron, i needed this reminder...

Top 3 Values

Precursor: For a FHS project this past term, I had to investigate my top 3 values that I cherish in my life... This took a lot of thought, but I ended up choosing the following [in no order]: Integrity. Equality. Service.

INTEGRITY [an excerpt from my paper]

For me, integrity has to do with perceived consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. Integrity means you stick to your personal code of conduct. You stick to what you decide is right and wrong. When you live with integrity, you succeed. You are open and honest. Your life is uncomplicated and less stressful. When you have good integrity you have no reason to lie. You can look at yourself in the mirror. You have nothing to hide. This is what integrity has meant to me in my life.

P.S. I have an amazing Dad. He's probably one of the coolest people I know, because he chooses random times to be all deep and say exactly when I need to hear them. He's an undercover psychologist I think sometimes...

He said this to me when I decided to become a leader at my church's youth group:

“You will never know who’s looking up to you,

it could be a silent follower who admires from afar.

This happens a lot within youth groups. You just might be

someone’s hero without knowing it. This is why it’s so important

to be who you are and to act how you know you should act 100%

of the time; because when an admirer sees their hero falter in

life, they will lose hope, and may falter themselves.

Be that strong rock, Kaitlin. Be the constant in someone’s life.”

I have dedicated my life to being that constant, not for the view of others, but for my own integrity and myself.

I will be a constant in someone's life.

[i'll blog about the other two values later.. since I haven't finished them yet :P]

"Thick Skinned"

This video captures true elegance. I love the cinematography and the 'old time' film reel.

one word: breathtaking.

"steady yourself my dear. Stand On Me."

Big Fan of Anna Gilbert, amazing artist... and girls got steez.

"people always leave"... a catchphrase compliments of Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill {the cheesiest show on television/my favorite

show on television}. I think this video captures that essence... people will always leave; not because they wanted to hurt you, not because your

not worth it. It just happens. People just leave. And beyond that, there is always the possibilty that they will not be there when you need them to be.

Stand on the one who will always be there...

"Hello World...

... this is me. Life should be fun for everyone. "

This song plays in my head sometimes. It's from my childhood; artist being The Saddle Club (ya, no one else has heard of them either).

Funny how amateur lyrics can be exactly what you need to hear....

Life should be fun. Stop stressing out. Stop being insecure. Stop having doubt in yourself or in others. Stop holding grudges. Forgive. Rebuild. Love.

Have FAITH in your future. Be proud of your past.

Easier said than done? I tell myself that all the time. I'm trying to believe in myself more... if others can have a fun/stress-free/successful life... so can I. And so can you...